Ep 9: Living the Wildest Dreams in Real Life with Dr. Sam Song

In Part 1 of this conversation, Dr. Sam Song shares how she is living her wildest dreams in real life.  She started with profound introspection at a young age, which prompted her to intentionally create meaning in her life and cultivate a grateful outlook on life.  At transitional points in her life, she would step back and re-evaluate her goals, and step out in courage in asking for different work terms and in saying "YES" to new opportunities.  As a result of her daring to dream and daring to act, she has gained incredible experiences that continue to fill her heart.

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Transcript

0:00

Welcome back to another episode of the dare to dream physician podcast. Today, I have a very special guest and I cannot wait to have her share with our listeners the amazing lens through which she views the world. The gratitude. The passion she has in her work, as a physician and as a humanitarian leader. Thank you so much, Dr. Samsung for coming on the podcast today. Dr. Samsung is an obstetrician gynecologist who has practiced for over 20 years in Washington state. For six of those years, she served as her department chair person. She is also a regular volunteer for medical missions And serves as a board member for med global which is a disaster and humanitarian relief organization I have known Dr. Samsung for several months and we have been in different groups together. And every time I hear Dr. Sung speak, I'm always struck by her cheerful, demeanor, how she puts everyone at ease by the common optimism she puts out into the world and. She's also just very charming when she speaks. People just want to listen. But what prompted me? To invite her to the podcast to learn more was recently reading a statement. She wrote in a forum. I'm sharing with her permission. She said. Yes. I'm living my wildest dreams, having grown up poor and taught by Catholic nuns, I thought one had to be poor and unmarried in order to be of service and do good in the world. I'm the first doctor in my family. Have an awesome career in women's health, travel the world and have a wonderful and loving family. I participate in humanitarian missions and serve on a humanitarian board. I am healthy and strong. I am immensely grateful to the life. And even prouder of the skills I have developed the resilience that has allowed me to bounce back the fortitude to March forward. When I want to give up. And the joy. I feel every day, even when things are ho-hum. And that was such an irresistible statement that Dr. Sung shared. Which prompted me to invite her on the podcast. So we can impact that statement

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 2:28

thank you so much for having me. It is my honor and pleasure to be here today to be talking with you. This is so exciting for me as well, and I never thought a little Facebook post would get me out of podcasts, but here we are. Life is wonderful. Isn't it?

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 2:46

I don't even know where to start there. There's so many things on here. But perhaps we could start with your first statement, which is that you are living your wildest dreams. And since our podcast is the dare to dream physician, I want to hear more about that.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 3:04

That is incredible. Yes, actually, this is my wildest dream that I'm living in today. So I was born in Korea and my parents divorced when I was very young. And at that time I was living with an end, uh, without my parents, my brothers and I were separated. They were living with my grandparents. I was living, living with an aunt. My parents were divorced and my dad had gone off to Vietnam and then to Guam. And so growing up there, not with your parents, you're like, okay, this is different, but this is the only thing I knew. And when finally my dad remarried and moved to Guam. he had petitioned for us to come and live with him and his new wife. And that was the first time I had remembered living in a family. Right. So I was seven years of age and it was wild because there's a difference when you are being raised by your parents versus you're a relative and I'm so grateful to my aunt for raising me. And I think they raised me in the best way possible. We're living in a third world country at that point. It's not the metric to Politan. It is, you know, today we didn't have running. I mean, we have running water, but you know, we still had an outhouse. No you're wearing hand me downs from your cousins. Right. I mean, but if that's all, you know, that's all, you know, and then moving to want to this tropical island how's like, and having your dad there, just not the best dad, but he was still my dad.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 4:34

Yeah.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 4:36

You're like, wow, this is amazing. I grew up in Guam, did all my schooling there. I went to a Catholic education in my seventh to senior year. And taught by Catholic nuns who had to wear your skirt a certain length. And, um, and if you did anything wrong, you were going to burn in hell. And it was, that's what shaped my life. So, you know, so you fast forward, 40 years later, And I live in a home. That's beautiful. I have a husband who's super supportive. I have healthy children. I have a wonderful career in women's health. I get to make impact every single day. I mean, like you, just, whoever walks in your door, whether it's pregnancy, whether it's pelvic pain, where it's menopausal symptoms, whether it's just an annual check, or an ectopic pregnancy, whatever it is, I feel immensely grateful for the skills that I have developed, the surgical skills where you can deliver a baby in a minute, if there is the stress or whether rushing a patient to the, or for internal hemorrhage from an ectopic pregnancy. Or treating pelvic pain and making them better, it's a skill that gets honed over years of practice and education and consultation, the skill that I have today is not the skill I had when I was 10 or 12, for where, when I was 30, it just gets better and better. And I think that's something that we all have to remember is that we were not born with all this knowledge and skill. It is something that's home, something that's acquired and that just can be improved over time. So anyways, but also living an intentional life. The first time I saw Dr I was five years old, I was in a little biking accident and my foot got masqueraded in a bicycle. And I went to a physician. Right. I think he was a pediatrician, but I was like, oh my God, who is this person? They're so passionate. And they dress your wounds. And I like, who is this person? Because I had only known farmers or bus drivers or, you know, just regular folk. Right. And so like having that seared in my brain, it was really powerful. I just remember him acting with such compassion and care and it really made a difference in my life. And so yeah, at that time I was like, I just, I want to be like him

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 7:15

So you had that experience when you were five years old and, meeting a doctor for the first time. And that was when the seed was planted, that you want to be a physician.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 7:23

You know, like all children, right. As you go through life, oh, I'm good at math, maybe I'll be a mathematician. And I was like, what am I going to do with that? You know? And then, I mean, you can do lots, but I didn't know back then, things you can do with math besides teach. Then, I liked, political sides. I thought it was fascinating, but, you know, I thought my only options at that time was to be a politician or teach poly PSI. Oh, be a lawyer. So, I mean, I just didn't have the role models now that you can make policy or, there's so many different options. So I dabbled in a lot of things, but at the end, when I had to choose a major, I was like, what are the things that I wanted to do? You know what? I want to be high. I really was. So inspired by that physician when I was five and he came back to me, you know, all those years later and I thought, yeah, I can make an impact. I can be compassionate. I can support myself. I never wanted to rely on anybody. Else's support myself. I thought financially being independent was really important to what I did in life. I think it was John diner who said no, man is an island. And now he lived in that area, you know, hit me hard in that. I knew that we had to make impact to make a difference in, in others. And I really wanted to put meaning in my life. And that's how I thought I would put meaning in my life is to impact in the world. So, those are some of my vision and my drivers for my life, to be independent, both financially, as well as in my career pursue something that made an impact in the world and make a difference. That got the ball rolling for me. back then people didn't do vision boards. Right? We did not do vision boards, but I did have a one-year plan and a five-year plan and a ten-year plan.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 9:23

So how did you know to do that?

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 9:26

you know, it was, political science, remember Stalin, terrible person. However, you know, I remember reading or learning something about him having a five-year plan for what he wanted the Soviet union to be. Do you remember that? It was just neat, you know, corrupting my education, but I thought, okay. I guess that's how you set forth a plan towards you got in order to achieve something. And in order to know what your path is, you had to have a goal. And so that to me, like, even as a person in high school, I did have a vision for how I wanted my life to look. And, you know, one year, five years, 10 years, and both with my education where I was going, how I wanted my body to look, I was a chubby kid, right?

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 10:22

Oh, I would have never have guessed that

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 10:24

Yeah. A chubby kid that did not think that physical activity was a good thing in my life, I wanted to feel good. I want it to be healthy. I wanted to be financially stable because that's not something that I had enjoyed or experienced in my life. We were always just a paycheck away from destitute. Not, I don't even want to say poverty because I was already there, but being very destitute. I went to my Catholic school was, I went on a scholarship. I went there one year and my mom during the summer went to tell the nuns that I was leaving. And then nun said, well, why is that? And I think she had a conversation and next thing you know, I had a summer job and that I was still enrolled in school and I thought, okay, I don't know this is different, but this is fine. Your parents tell you too much at that time, you just did what they told you to do. So, um, there was some conversation about me getting, not going to the public school and continuing in my catholic nun education, which I am very grateful for.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 11:28

mm Hmm. So you had sort of a work exchange for tuition.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 11:33

Yes.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 11:34

Yeah.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 11:34

unbeknownst to me. I just didn't

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 11:36

You just, you just did the work cause you were told. Okay.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 11:41

Summers you're going to work at this goes like, fuck. I mean, I don't have anything better to do, but, and I don't, I guess it's just the volunteer job, cause I didn't get a paycheck. So it was cool.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 11:51

Yeah. So you talked a little bit about life in Korea, you know, before you moved to Guam, what childhood in Guam? Like, okay.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 12:00

I would say it was idyllic. I'm still so close to my, friends that I went to. Actually, my oldest friend is, since fourth grade. So I see them once or twice, maybe three times a year, and they're all over, the United States and all over the world, but we make time to visit each other during the pandemic. We had weekly zoom calls to touch base and just make sure we were checking up on each other. They keep you grounded and in check, they just keep you in your place and they're just full of laughter and fun and just with the most beautiful and compassionate hearts. So I just love them so much. Yeah. So I would say it was great. there was no pretenses, right? Because we were all just growing up the same. And even the Guan is predominantly, there's an indigenous culture there, my group of friends, we were like the UN I had a friend who is Filipina, who is tomorrow, who's the indigenous culture there. Then we had a Caucasian and then an Indian and, you know, just all the races. This is what we did. Everybody ate different foods and everybody, had a little accent and it was what it was. So just beautiful. Just wonderful life I got a scholarship to be university of Guam, where they paid tuition and they even gave me a stipend at that time on a monthly basis. So I lived at home and I got this big fat check. I became a botanist and an environmental consultant. I would fly to other islands and do like the botanical survey for an environmental impact study. I learned to scuba dive. I was diving in sewage outfall, and it sounds gross, I learned to sail and the island that is only 32 by eight. Miles long. And I saw places I'll go on that I never knew existed. All in all, I don't know what the experience I would have had going to this fancy university in the east coast. I'm sure it would have been wonderful, but I treasure my experience on Guam going to the university of Guam as well. So I had applied to medical college and, they accepted me and I did a summer internship program at UCF. And then from there flew straight to Philadelphia where I went to medical college of Pennsylvania, where I happened to meet my husband.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 14:35

Oh, wow.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 14:36

my husband, he was my anatomy partner and he eventually became my husband.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 14:43

Oh, wow. Wow. So, so your husband's a physician as well.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 14:47

Yes. My husband is a physician as well. Wonderful smartest, man. I know.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 14:53

Sam one thing that just always strikes me as you speak and as you describe your life experiences is that you have so much gratitude for life and for what you have, no matter what it is that you have, like you said, I probably would have been happy if I went to this other university, but I love the university that I went to. That I think is so special. How do you have that? Were you always that way? Were you also always grateful, or was there a shift at some point in your life where you started becoming thankful for what you have. Okay.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 15:31

I've been really exploring that question quite a lot. Um, because even my mom. It was alive with Tony had told me that I, I saw live through a rose colored glasses, but you know, the reality is I haven't told many people now I'm telling the podcast this, but you know, when I was in fourth grade, I had an existential crisis.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 15:53

Hmm

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 15:54

really did. I was, um, at a point in my life where I thought, what is this all for? Right. Um, I mean like, why are we working so hard to, you know, to wake up the next day? And I mean, at some point I did have suicidal thoughts. This isn't, I must have been 10 I just ticketing remember even Guam is very warm sitting in the rain outside, just kind of sitting there crying and like, what is, I mean, like really asking myself that question, right?

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 16:31

Wow.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 16:32

And I don't think I had good answers at that time, but I decided it was worth moving forward. And, because there is a point to life and my answer really didn't come to me until theology class as a senior in my Catholic high school, where I learned about Albert chem and some of the other philosophers and Albert chem, whose philosophy is that, you have to sort of be an atheist, right? So, you know, the reluctant atheists, I want to believe in God, but at the same time, I don't, because it would be easier to believe in God. It would be easier to say there's a heaven waiting for me. There is angels, and there's Nirvana and all of those waiting for me after the afterlife. And I am not quite there and even though I went to Sunday school and eventually from Sunday school, I self converted to Catholicism. But since then, I've decided I've been moving towards agnosticism towards APS. And it is with Albert philosophy where you create meaning in your own life. It's an internal drive, right? If you make a dent in the world and you make your worth life living because of the impact that you've had, that has really driven me to become more optimistic, more, impactful and, make a difference. And to be grateful for every day that you do have. So I feel, that's really the main driver. I feel like that has given me joy because I have to find that in my day-to-day life or else, what does it all for? Right. So at that time I was struggling again as a senior, like, what is this all for? Oh my Okay. I want to ride in a Jeep in Africa, treating patients that I thought, oh no but but think it's like to have sex and get married someday. I haven't had it, but it

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 18:39

Oh, because right. Your role models were nuns. Right. You said that you thought that you had to be unmarried, to do good in the world.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 18:50

yes. So the sisters Mercy's are known for service, you know, their teachers and their nurses. Uh that's their life is, of service to be impactful in the world. So that's one thing that stayed with me. Yeah, but you can get married and still have a meaningful life.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 19:10

Yes. Wow. Wow. When I meet you, I don't necessarily, I don't think of you as the, sort of the philosopher who's pondering the questions of life and from that finding joy, but that's your secret.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 19:25

Totally. I mean, you know, one doesn't think what's my secret because you have no secrets with yourself. Right. But, perhaps it is, perhaps it is.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 19:34

Yeah. You talked about how much you get out of, seeing patients and caring for patients in Washington state, Tell me more about your, the other pursuits that you are doing that brings you meaning that where you feel like you're making an impact in the world.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 19:51

So back in 2015. When the Syrian crisis was at its height, let me just go back a little bit. So as I'm living my life, I've done 12 years of education, residency. I'm now married. I've had back to back babies. I am knee-deep in diapers and nursing and, you know, trying to be a good physician, trying to be a good wife, mother person. Um, it gets overwhelming. Right.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 20:21

yeah.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 20:22

And, so at a time in my life, I, again, you have to step, take a step back and say, well, how is this how I want to be, do I want to constantly be feeling overwhelmed and inadequate? Because I think I'm a good physician. I think I could be a really good mother. I think I'm a good person, but once you start feeling overwhelmed because there's too much on your plate, then you know, it all discombobulates too, right.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 20:47

Hmm.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 20:48

So at some point I take a step back and I said to myself, how do I want my life to look like again? I mean, you got to do a reset. I think every once in a while, you've got to take two steps back and reevaluate, what are the things that are going well? What are the things that are not going well? And how do we make it better? What are the opportunities for improvement? So I actually did that back in 2005, um, 2006, when I was feeling overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood, the demands of my jaw, my husband's not demanding, but you know, and the relationship too, you can't take that for granted as well. And then also there's other things like impact on my community. And for myself too, because you get lost in pregnancy nursing and it's all about barely being able to take a shower before the next throw up happens. Right.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 21:39

yeah.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 21:40

I took a step back and I said, okay, how do I want to look at my life now that I've popped out all these babies. Right. And at that time we decided that I was gonna work part-time and you know, there's a quote by Bernay brown and I was looking through this and it is really wonderful. Okay. And I'm going to have to read it to you because it marks would drives me. It's the mark of a wild heart is living out the paradox of love in our lives. It's the ability to be tough and tender, excited, and scared, brave, and afraid all at the same moment, it's showing up in our vulnerability and our courage to be both fierce and kind, and that's exactly the moment I had. I told my work, I said, look, I want to be a wonderful physician to my patients. I want to be a wonderful colleague to you, but I also want to be a good mother. And I also want a little piece of time for myself. I need to step back at least go part-time and if you cannot. And at that moment, I told myself if my group, um, and I love my group, if they could not accommodate me that I will quit my job and find a different practice, or start my own practice or move, whatever I needed to do. I said, I need to step back and work part time. And I was fully prepared for them to say no, because you know, back then none of us worked. Part-time it wasn't really a thing that physicians did.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 23:12

Mm.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 23:14

And, or at least in my area, everybody works full time. We work 60, 70 hours a week. This is what we took call every three to every four every four nights. And, um, as I said, I'm going to still take full time call, but I cannot be in the office full-time, I want to take one day. So, surprisingly, I asked, I was fully prepared for them to say no. And they said, yes, of course you can do this. And you know, it just gives you courage to, to move on and be who you think you should be and not be afraid. Right. I mean, of course I was afraid, but I had plan B and C and D you know, lines that if that did not go, because who knows how, um, the direction of your life is gonna go. And so, um, so that happened and I started to work, you know, part-time be a little bit more present at my, and I was a better physician because I did work part-time because I did not feel like I was giving work, you know, 200% with nothing left for anybody else. Because when you're at work, you're going to do a plus work. You're going to do everything you can for them. So it was really hard to separate work versus home life. Right then. So that was on cruise control for awhile. And then, as your kids get older you can stop treading water. You've got your head above water. A little bit, things are manageable. They can sort of feed themselves, bathe themselves, go to soccer practice. You can have a little bit of time. I thought, okay, I got a little bit of time. What else is next for myself? And at that time, I saw a little flyer that somebody needed a gynecologist. This is during the Syrian crisis for a mission trip. And it was like two months away. And, um, I saw him once I let it go. And then I saw it again a month later and I looked at my husband. I said, you know, I like to do this. And I just decided to say, I'm going to say, yes, I'm going to say I'm going to be open to everything. Um, anything at that point. And I looked at my husband, it was 10 30 in the evening. And I said, you know, this group is looking for a gynecologist to go on this mission trip, to the refugee camp in Jordan. And I said, I like to go, are you, I did not ask for permission. I said, are you free? I said, yeah, Are you free that I could go, meaning like, can you take care of the kids partnership? Right. No water, just, you know, if he was working, he used to work seven days on seven days off and you know, he's working then it's very tough for childcare and stuff. He said, well, I'm not working that week. Yeah. That's sure. What are you going to do? And I was like, well, let's see. So I emailed the director of that program at, I don't know, like 10 30 at night, 11 o'clock. He emailed me back PM and he's like, you're on the team. Send me your credentials. I was like, oh my God,

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 26:15

Wow.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 26:18

fast. And then a month later I was on a plane with a team of like 50, 50 plus, physicians, physical therapists, dentists. And it was, it was. Life changing for me.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 26:32

so I want to go back to when you saw the flyer

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 26:34

Yeah.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 26:36

and so you saw the flyer once and it planted a seed, and then you saw the flyer again.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 26:42

Right. So when I saw the flyer, I was like, there's thousands of gynecologists in the United States. I'm sure somebody would hit the call. Right. There's somebody else to do this. Somebody who's better than me who has more time than me. Who has a more compassionate heart? I'm sure somebody else. So, but I would thought, you know, this is something that had always thought about, you know, 20 years ago. Right. Um, when I was, when I was a senior in high school, thinking about how I wanted, what my life wanted to look like, That had sort of clicked in my head and I thought, sure, there's somebody else out there that's better than me. That would heat the call. And so when I saw it a month later, I thought, well, why not me? I, I had the skills. I now have the time and I have the gumption to do it. Why not? And that really, allowed me to meet so many. That moment of saying yes, opened a whole world. I did not know existed. It was actually, it was an incredible experience, because it was incredibly moving to see. No vulnerable, people out there just in crisis, right? You don't leave your home unless you are trying to save your life, unless you try to make it better for your family, for your kids, a future for your kids. Really. People don't leave the safety of their home if it's not safe. So to meet these, men, women, children, pregnant women, living in insecurity and vulnerability, it was incredibly moving and to meet so many people, so many other, physicians, dentists, physical therapists that all had that same, mindset. It was incredible and what they were doing, what others were doing. I had no idea what people were doing up there and uh, to meet them. I just felt like my heart opened up to them and uh, it was an incredible experience. So, you know, it's all about connections, right? Really, you know, about this. And from there, I, went to the Greek Macedonian border when, that was at its height and serve there. And then all of a sudden then you're meeting people like, oh, did I meet you Jordan?

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 29:06

okay.

audio_only_16779266_Sam_Song 29:08

And, these connections in passing become more solidified. And, you know, you have a. A conversation and you see how you are perspective aligned with each other, your mission align with each other. And more things open up to you. Right. So, yeah.

audio_only_16778242_Weili_Gray 29:26

So there's so many things there I want to ask about. But I think one thing that I'm hearing is you looked at a flyer, you started thinking about it and then you a month later decided. This, why not me? Right? Why not me? And then you pursued that. And in, in saying yes, now it's opened a whole new world for you where you met other people who shared a similar vision than what you had 20 years ago, and now it's opening up more opportunities for you. That, that is so amazing. I think it's so inspiring to hear that you just have to say yes to one thing and start, and, and from that so many new things can come

30:16

that was part one of a two per conversation with Dr. Samsung. I think Dr. Samsung has so much to teach us about how to be a dare to dream physician. Our conversation was so good that I want to continue. Part two in next week's episode, stay tuned. So you can hear the rest of our conversation next week.